This episode of Real Housewives of New York opened with Ramona putting ice cubes in her white wine. Ice cubes. In her. White. Wine. Funny, because I thought that only Kim Zolciak was allowed to do that, but I suppose outré drinking habits have spread among the Housewives franchises like a particularly virulent case of herpes. Unsurpisingly, though, that small gesture set the tone for the rest of the episode. There was yelling and cursing, everyone was acting like they were in high school, and Bethenny claimed that LuAnn has grown a penis. The Countess would have said that it was all very déclassé , if she actually had any idea what that meant, in both the literal and figurative senses. All of these broads are still out in the Hamptons, lazing about at their summer houses and visiting with the help because they don’t have any real friends left.

Real Housewives of New York City: “Subtle like a train crash.”